'The Hobbit' tells the story of how Sauron's ring came to be in the possession of Bilbo Baggins, which lays the foundation for the story told in 'Lord of the Rings'. However, this is only a small segment of a fantastic journey taken by Frodo's uncle Bilbo Baggins across Middle Earth that involves spiders, wolves, goblins, and about a dozen, short, hairy men. Sadly, Danny DeVito does not have a role in this film.
The original Lord of the Rings was shot and released almost 10 years ago, with the final movie coming out in December 2003. The movies were critically and financially successful, and rejuvenated a classic fantasy world. As soon as Return of the King ended its box office run, enthusiasts and critics alike talked about making The Hobbit into a movie, but due to issues with the companies and directors bailing on the project it wasn't announced until a few years ago. Recent cast and set photos led to an announced release date of December 19, 2012 for the first half of the two-part tale. December 19th, 2012 happens to fall on a Wednesday, two days before the dramatic deadline of 12/21/2012.
Most movies are released on Fridays to match the start of the weekend and therefore maximize profits. But before Christmas, movies come out at all different days of the week, mainly avoiding big travel days, amongst others. I have found signs from secret diagrams in cast and set pictures that tell of a mass hysteria that settles over the country as the world heads towards this judgement day. Due to severe news hype of potential terror attacks, the whole country is on edge approaching the 21st, and turn to forms of escapism to break free from the stress. Many, as predicted, will turn to rioting, severe drug abuse, and even suicide, but many turn to the movie theaters to see The Hobbit. By the time Friday the 21st rolls around, word of mouth and critical praise from the past two days cause an increased turn out for an already big release. Lines at movie complexes all over the globe reach immense length as theater capacity has been filled to the brink. A deadly combination of stress from long lines, December weather, and news hype will eventually boil over and bloody riots will break out at movie theaters everywhere. This is a projected timeline of events:
Something like this, more or less.December 21st, 2012
6:00 AM: Most of the world wakes up as usual, but many sleep in, don't show up to work, start drinking, and the unrest begins.
12:00 PM: Lunch hour for an uneasy population. Everyone is almost waiting for something to happen, as many stay in their homes or offices.
5:00 PM: With the exception of minor rioting and increased misdemeanor activity, the world survives the business day without a catastrophe.
7:00 PM: The first wave of people begin to show up to watch The Hobbit, long lines ensue.
8:30 PM: Due to the long nature of the Lord of the Rings movies, one can expect The Hobbit to be just as long. At the halfway point of the movie, people waiting outside start to get uneasy, restless, and rowdy. More people begin to get banned and kicked out from the theaters, but still the lines grow.
9:30 PM: Many people start retaliating against the theaters for kicking them out. Making the wrong move, some of the theaters react by shutting down entirely. This only worsens attitudes for those watching the movie as they had to leave without seeing the end. Riots are almost inevitable.
10:00 PM: The first big wave of people who have seen the movie stumble onto the chaos outside the theaters. Many people go mad after seeing it, proclaiming it the greatest movie ever made and declare Ea their all knowing god and creator. People rush the theater to get a seat for the next round of showings, riots ensure.
11:00 PM: The Followers of Ea (any drugged out LOTR nerd that believes in Ea, who has seen the movie) start congregating in major cities and suburban areas. They move in groups and attack people who havent seen the movie, or aren't trying to see it. An armed group of 200 Followers march on the National Mall, causing mayhem and destruction.
11:30 PM: By this point all Hell has broken loose. National Guard soliders, and SWAT teams combat violent groups of Followers in nearly every major metropolitan area. In a moment of self-fulfillment, news and media hype of all the violence only worsens the situation as the national population breaks into panic.
December 22nd, 2012
12:00 AM: New York City, Washington D.C., Los Angeles, Dallas, Chicago, Boston, and Denver all have major fires and fighting in the streets. L.A. has turned into a battlefield amongst rival gangs with no law to hold them in check. By the time the sun rises on the next day, Central Park and a quarter of Manhattan are lost to fires, 100 armed Followers have taken control of the Capitol Building, and more continue to join them.
6:00 AM: In a matter of 24 hours the United States of America is in shambles, with several other world powers following suit. A major faction emerges nearly overnight with the Followers of Ea, who are now in a bloody Civil war with the US Government. The Civil War turns international as many governments band together against the Followers, which leads to a many year struggle that ravages the planet.
December 21st, 2112
The Followers of Ea celebrate their victory over the governments of the world, and begin a regression in human culture and intellect. Reverting back to the lifestyle seen in Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, but offering genetic alterations that could make them a creature of their choice: Hobbit, Elf, Man, Orc, Dwarf, or even Troll. This new society takes the technologies of the early 21st century, but only uses them to enhance the more fantastic aspects of their new world. The world has essentially become Middle Earth.
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Or you know, everything just goes on like normal and we continue living our lives.
